


Discovery

by lonelywalker



Category: Cowboys & Aliens (2011)
Genre: Age Difference, F/M, M/M, Post Movie, Sexual Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-31
Updated: 2011-08-31
Packaged: 2017-10-23 07:31:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/247744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelywalker/pseuds/lonelywalker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As he grows up, Emmett struggles with his sexuality and his feelings for Jake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Discovery

Emmett turns fourteen out there in the desert. No one notices.

On the long ride back home, his grandfather plants a hand on his shoulder and asks him what the date is before wishing him a happy birthday. It's the first real sign that Grandpa is truly all right after his ordeal, and Emmett's first hope that everything might somehow get back to normal.

In Absolution, though, nothing is ever the same again.

***

By Emmett's fifteenth birthday, the town has tripled in size. It's still tiny in comparison to practically anywhere else in the territory, but it's the only place Emmett knows, and it seems huge. The gold strike has brought people of all types flooding into Absolution: prospectors, store owners, railway workers, whores, and plenty of people simply looking to make trouble. Grandpa and Charlie Lyle have been busy.

Even with the recruitment of a few new deputies, Grandpa's tough-but-fair diplomacy doesn't always work. There have been a few ugly fights, and even a couple of deaths. Emmett's _begged_ to be allowed to help out, terrified at the idea of anyone hurting his family, but Grandpa just pats him on the head like he's Dog, and sends him off to run errands.

He might still be a good bit shorter than his grandfather, but at least Emmett's finally had a growth spurt over the past year, and all the work he's done around the town has let him put on a little muscle while practically eating Grandpa out of all the food he can put on the table. There's always work for a manual laborer in Absolution, and when the Dolarhyde crew comes to town with their cattle there's dollars to be made there. Emmett tries to keep working on his schoolbooks, but they're really for much younger kids now, and he just doesn't have the time.

Besides, keeping busy also keeps him from dwelling on things.

"We have to put it behind us, son," Grandpa had told him back at the very start, when they'd all tumbled back into town weary and dirty and caked in blood. Everyone in the town had agreed. They'd finally found gold, and now was no time to start talking about demons.

The Apache had burned the bodies, and Dolarhyde's men had buried the flying machine that had landed in the town. And then Jake had left, riding out of town without even saying goodbye.

Emmett lies in bed at night, wishing he was old enough to go drinking with Percy, or patrol the town with Charlie. Sometimes he closes his eyes and thinks about the demons, thinks about Ella and where she might have come from, up there on the edge of the universe. Sometimes, just because any boy his age should, he thinks of what Ella looked like, walking out of the fire. Incredible. A miracle. Her beautiful body like something in a painting, surrounded by flames. Her breasts…

Percy would be able to fantasize about her so damn easily. God knows he fantasizes about Maria enough, and pretty much every other woman younger than his mother. But Emmett...

He'd make excuses that he's just not old enough yet to think about these things, but he still wakes up rock hard every morning, which is more than embarrassing if his grandfather happens to be awake. It's just that he's not fantasizing about Ella, or Maria, or any of the pretty young whores.

He's thinking about _Jake_.

Once, months ago, he'd tried to broach the subject with Grandpa, because Percy would just laugh, and the new town preacher would probably threaten to burn him at the stake. Grandpa's the most solid, reassuring thing in his entire life.

"Do you ever… dream strange things?" he'd asked, hoping and praying that he wouldn't have to get specific about the way Jake appears to him in the night, white shirt soaked to the skin with rainwater so Emmett can see every line of muscle.

Grandpa had put an arm around him and confessed that, yes, he often had nightmares about his experiences with the demons, and he was sorry if he'd ever woken up Emmett because he was crying out in his sleep.

Emmett hadn't asked again. Grandpa seemed to be dealing with his trauma all right, even if it meant drinking and having long conversations into the night with Colonel Dolarhyde. So maybe Emmett could cope too. Maybe it was all just because he had been through some really scary things with Jake. One day he'd just get over it.

Jake comes back into town before he has a chance.

Emmett's working over on the outskirts of town, sawing lengths of timber to construct a new bakery – he's practically salivating at even the _thought_ of freshly-baked bread in his future – when a couple of the other workers call out at the sight of a rider on the horizon. Absolution's not so big that a visitor isn't news, and particularly when he gets close enough that they can tell who it is. Almost everyone in town is more than prepared to buy Jake Lonergan a drink.

"Jake!"

"Howdy there, Jake!"

Jake, ever the strong, silent type, tips his hat to them and says little as he rides through. Emmett just stands and stares, shirtless in the sunshine, wide-brimmed hat shading his eyes. If Jake recognizes him, there's no hint of familiarity. Then again, he's always played his cards close to his chest.

Emmett sneaks away after lunch to try and track him down, but there's no sight of Jake or his horse.

"Just passing through," Grandpa says from the porch by the sheriff's office where he's sitting with his pen and a heap of paperwork.

"Passing through to _where_?" Emmett demands, wriggling back into his shirt.

Grandpa looks him up and down - something that might be quiet approval or disapproval, Emmett never can tell. "Just because there isn't much around here doesn't mean there's nothing. Jake's running down a bounty or two."

"Oh." Emmett stands in the street, feeling hot and sweaty and very, very small. He might be fifteen – practically a man – but he still only has a boy's horse, and no gun of his own, even if he still has Colonel Dolarhyde's knife stuck in his belt. When Jake was fifteen, he was probably going hunting and taking down stagecoaches.

"Should I expect you for dinner?" Grandpa asks.

"Uh…" Emmett tears his thoughts away from Jake, no doubt tearing across the great open plains as they speak, and scratches his head. "Oh, no. Mrs. Peters asked me to do some chores for her out at that farm of hers. Might just sleep out there."

"Good." Grandpa smiles. "Nice to see you doing some honest work, Emmett."

"Yes sir."

Mrs. Peters has been struggling with her small farm ever since her husband passed, and there's usually plenty for Emmett to do for small recompense. But she's nice and tries to stuff Emmett full with food every time he and his horse trot over to wrangle her recalcitrant sheep. Emmett sometimes thinks Grandpa should court her. Give her flowers. They're about of an age, and it must be lonely. Grandpa can't be sheriff forever. Emmett would feel much better if he was a farmer rather than risking getting shot every day.

Today, though, he's finished with the chores and gulped down a really good lamb stew before it's even too dark out. So he saddles up his horse and heads back into town in the hope that Jake might be back already. He bets he can even sneak into Doc's saloon if Jake's telling stories…

But the saloon isn't any busier than it usually is, and there's no sign of Jake. There's no sign of Grandpa either. Charlie Lyle's busy cleaning out rifles on the porch. So Emmett goes home. Maybe he could finally work up the courage to say something to his grandfather, or at least get Grandpa to tell him more about the bounty Jake's hunting.

He's lost in his daydreams of riding out with Jake and hunting down bandits in the desert when he opens the door, so much so that he's halfway up the stairs before the noises begin to register. Groans and cries. Muttered words. Grandpa must be having those terrible nightmares again.

Emmett takes off his hat and hurries to open the door to the bedroom. What he sees brings him up so short he can't get a sound out of his throat.

He's walked in on people before: usually Percy and a whore, because even the modern day hardworking, dedicated Percy Dolarhyde has absolutely no sense of discretion. Once, when he was very young, he thinks he probably interrupted his parents, even if they had been quick to pull the blankets over themselves and usher him away.

Part of his shock is that he'd never seriously thought of his grandfather having any kind of a sex life at all. Grandpa never goes to the whorehouses unless there's been some sort of complaint or brawl. Emmett had just assumed that he must be too old for that sort of thing.

Now, eyes wide, he realizes how incredibly stupid he's been.

"Have you ever heard of men lying with other men?" Emmett had asked one evening when he judged Grandpa had drunk enough whisky to not be totally silent in response. He'd half expected a back-handed slap to the face.

Grandpa had looked at him with his usual cool gaze. "I've heard of it."

"It's wrong, isn't it?"

"If you're talkin' morals, you'd be better off asking the preacher. But God doesn't much like it, I expect."

Emmett had digested this. "What about the law?"

"The law doesn't much approve either. But I can't say I'd be breaking into anyone's bedroom to arrest them 'less there's some sort of violence going on. I've seen plenty more men beating their wives than men making each other happy."

It's about the longest thing Emmett thinks he's ever heard his grandfather say.

Now no one is saying anything at all. No one is even moving, and Emmett really, _really_ wishes he could move his feet and just run away, as far and as fast as possible. And in the absence of that, it would be pretty nice if Grandpa and Colonel Dolarhyde would put some clothes on. Emmett doesn't think he's seen this much skin in his entire life, and he'd absolutely never _imagined_ that someone could look so ecstatic about having another man's cock inside them, the way his Grandpa had looked _blissful_ before he'd realized Emmett was watching.

 _Oh Jesus._

"Emmett…"

Colonel Dolarhyde is the first to move, sliding out of Grandpa and pulling up his pants, directing numerous muttered curses to the floor while Grandpa sits up and reaches out for Emmett. Emmett feels like the only normal thing to do is run and keep running. But if he does that, he'll never get the answers he needs.

Instead, he finds himself falling into his Grandpa's arms, hugging him as tight as if he was just a little kid again, his mind so filled with fear and confusion that he just needs something to hold onto.

"John."

"Sorry Woodrow. Next time…"

"Next time we do this at my place. With the door locked." A pause. "Night, Emmett."

It's only when the door downstairs clicks closed that Emmett opens his eyes, but he doesn't let go. He's old enough that they should be able to have an adult conversation about this, but instead he's clinging to his grandfather as if he just wants to be told that everything will be fine.

No wonder Jake never paid any attention to him.

"Emmett… you can't tell anyone about this."

Emmett takes a breath and makes himself stand up, letting Grandpa grab some clothes. "Do you love him?"

Grandpa looks at him levelly, and for the first time Emmett can see something that isn't complete self-assurance in his eyes. "I think so, God help me."

Emmett bites his lip and then just says it: "I think I love Jake."

Grandpa's laughter is sudden and unexpected, and would hurt if he didn't stand up and hug Emmett to him again, mussing his hair. "Oh, Emmett. I think we all love Jake."

Everything in Absolution is both strange and normal after that. Emmett works and studies, and one day a week Grandpa takes him out into the desert with Colonel Dolarhyde to practice riding and shooting. Some days Grandpa will almost offhandedly mention that the Colonel might be coming over that night, and Emmett will make himself scarce. He doesn't talk to the preacher, or Percy, or anyone about it, doesn't worry about morality or the law. It's just nice to have something like a real family again.

***

By the time Emmett turns sixteen, Jake Lonergan's only been back in town once or twice, collecting a bounty and getting supplies. Grandpa says he's living alone somewhere, and Emmett sometimes imagines riding out there while he's scraping the skin off his hands on timber. He can never imagine it going well.

Grandpa and the Colonel are of an age. They both fought in the war. They've lost wives and had to bring up boys on their own. And they respect each other. Emmett can't imagine Jake even remembering his name.

"Don't worry about it," Grandpa says to him one day over breakfast. "You haven't even known a woman yet. When you do you'll likely forget all about him."

Percy arranges that a few days before Christmas. Emmett's never been able to discover if Percy knows about the relationship between his father and Emmett's grandfather. He suspects Percy would do this anyway: drag Emmett into Doc's saloon, convince him to drink endless toasts to various people, and then introduce him to a lovely girl with a very warm bed.

He knows he's not a bad looking guy, and he knows the _concept_ of sex, but in practice he's still pinned to the mattress in terror of doing something wrong, of not being able to perform, of letting everyone know he's as much of a freak as the demons.

"It's all right," the girl whispers to him, her flesh so warm and soft against his, her hand down between his legs, working his cock.

Emmett takes a deep breath and thinks of Jake, of that slim but powerful body, piercing eyes, blond hair he could bury his face in. He'd run his fingers over Jake's chest, down his firm stomach, and… He can feel his cock stirring, hardening as he imagines taking Jake's thick length in his hand, making Jake as hard as he's getting, touching it to his lips…

"That's so good, baby." The girl's voice breaks through his thoughts, and she's suddenly deep and wet around him. It's undeniable how good it feels, but Emmett so badly wants it to be Jake's mouth, wants Jake to fill him up and fuck him.

He comes far too fast, thinking of the motion of Jake's hips, smooth and relentless, claiming him, making him his.

The girl cleans him up and tells him how good it was, but Emmett just wants to get away, to hide in his own bed and think of Jake while he touches himself.

***

Emmett's seventeenth birthday comes in the heat of a long summer. Absolution, slowly but surely, is changing all around him, with stone buildings replacing the wooden and new people streaming in.

Colonel Dolarhyde's health is failing, and Percy has taken over much of his business responsibilities. Grandpa spends as much time with him as he can, but he's still sheriff and apparently very reluctant to give up his post, as if civilization might crumble around him at the very thought.

Emmett helps out with law and order whenever he can. He has his own deputy badge now, a gun from his Grandpa and a horse from the Dolarhydes. Mostly he's still working in construction and farming, drinking in the saloon and pretending to be shy for the girls.

Jake Lonergan hasn't been seen in town for months, and Emmett doesn't feel too badly about that. The demons came four years ago, now. He's done so much in the meantime, grown into a man he hopes his grandfather can be proud of, that there's more to his life than longing for Jake. Maybe one day he'll find an excuse to go to Santa Fe and see if he can find some other man like him, even though Grandpa stares daggers at him for even the suggestion. He might not be as tall as Grandpa or as scary as the Colonel, but he can handle himself.

Face down in the dirt behind Mrs. Peters' barn, it's a little difficult to remember just how mature and responsible he's supposed to be.

He had been on his way to deliver feed that had just arrived at the station when gunshots had kicked up dirt and sand just two paces in front of him, around the corner of the barn. His experiences with the demons and lessons from his grandfather had made him hit the ground and haul his horse back before he could even consciously figure out what was happening.

Emmett shushes his horse as he ties it up, and takes his shotgun as he dares to glimpse around the corner. Fortunately, no one takes the opportunity to shoot his hat off his head.

He can't see anyone, but he can hear them: two voices, one shouting insults, the other so quiet Emmett can't make out a word. But if there's shooting going on it can't exactly be good.

Emmett leans his shotgun against the back of the barn and looks up. He's not the light little kid he used to be, but he pretty much built this barn. It should be able to take his weight.

So, as quickly and quietly as he can, he climbs up to the roof, keeping low when he gets there, scrambling along its length until he can see the men in question. One he doesn't think he recognizes, and he's the one waving a pistol. The other... Well, he hasn't seen him in a while, but he'd never forget that face.

"You don't want to be pointing that thing at me," Jake is saying, calm and dangerous as ever.

Perhaps he should stay put - Jake usually knows what he's doing after all - but his Grandpa's always told him that not making a decision quickly is much worse than making the wrong decision when it comes to men with guns. So Emmett slips the knife out of his belt, takes a breath, and jumps.

He takes the man to the ground immediately, and Jake springs into action as well, grabbing the gun from him before he has a chance to get a shot off. Emmett wrestles the guy onto his stomach and then just sits on him, pinning down his arms and wishing he had some handcuffs with him.

"Thanks," Jake mutters, and goes to get his horse, which had been cautiously waiting a few feet away. "He's a bounty I thought was asleep. Guess I'd better make sure next time."

Jake ties his hands and hauls him up while Emmett stands back, dusting off his clothes, heart thumping in his chest. "Say, you're Jake Lonergan, aren't you?" he says finally.

Jake stares at him. "Might be. I know you?"

"I'm a deputy over in Absolution," Emmett offers. There's absolutely no reason to remind Jake of the little boy he once was. "Everyone in town wants to buy you a drink. How 'bout I do you the honor?"

A slow smile comes to Jake's face. "I just might let you do that."

***

On the day Emmett turns eighteen, the desert is bright and calm and quiet, and Jake Lonergan kisses him good morning.


End file.
